Meditations
I was merely spewing the insides of my vessel.
But a gentleman is not a vessel. I had not yet realized the true meaning of what I had absorbed (through my upbringing). My way of acting “was only a specific understanding of what Confucius(in this case my upbringing) had taught, and if other disciples did not agree with it, it could become a source of feuding, which could last for generations”
Excerpt From The Analects Confucius
Mistakes
Are only mistakes when you achieve a deep understanding on how you would have rather act before. Before, led by reaction and ignorance a response to a situation was confected. Right after or maybe later in life the logos knows it was wrong and invites you to explore it with new learnings. You realize how you would rather have acted if you were just not ignorant at the time before. You realize that the only real thing is the present and the past mistake was necessary to grasp something new. Don’t dwell on mistakes, Accept that they too are a necessary fiber in my interwoven destiny, without it, no further growth can be achieved. Mistakes are as valuable as knowing how to act. Dwelling on mistakes is punishing myself for ignorance. Now that I have become less ignorant I know what not to do again.
Relationships with others are not shaped by your mistakes either, you are allowed to be imperfect, a person can sense when your general motives are genuine and when they are slip ups. Love is felt, and no action coming from love can do harm. Harm comes from the perception of the receiver. What if I make a mistake on the way I acted in one of the very rare instances I meet with someone I want to keep a good relationship with. Infrequent contact could give more weight to a single mistake since there is not much to reference. It’s ok, don’t worry so much about how others perceive you, people aren’t judges of character, and if they attempt to act like it thats a mistake they are making themselves. And you giving them these figurative pedestals where they can sit to judge your character is a product of my own self harshly judging my own character. Why do I see them as higher than me, as if they were constantly gathering observations to create an image of me. They are not. And again, if someone ever does, they are making the mistake. A person voluntarily acting like a judge to your every action, in order to create an image or representation of your quality as a man, they are deliberately acting against you and are making a conscious mistake or wrongdoing. If while being true to my present self, I act in a way that a later more knowledgable version of myself considers wrong, then is there really a wrongdoing? No.
Don’t be that judge. Be true to your present self, mistakes included, for these are not intentional and therefore not wrong, but being a judge is.
Harmony
I desire, from the depths of my soul and the shallowness i can only access, to live with my thoughts for a while, i want to heal the wounds of my soul and body, I want to understand the turmoil going inside of me, and harmonize my body and soul.